Healing isn’t pain free, healing is hope FILLED 


I thought I was healed. 

I thought my heart moved through this day already. 

But a part of me is feeling pain today. 

I don’t want to give the darkness a reason to smile but I know that God doesn’t want us to hide anything from him. 

And I think I’ve been in hiding. 

I felt ashamed that I felt pain on this day because I have experienced healing. 

Apparently, not as much as I thought. 

Because here I am feeling broken in front of my King. And I would much rather be here than hiding away in my pain alone. I am picking up my self from my hiddenness and falling into my Jesus. 

I miss my brother and I wish we could have done life together here on earth. I am happy that he is rejoicing in heaven but I do wish we had a longer time together here. 

I look forward to reuniting with him someday. I guess healing doesn’t necessarily mean pain free, it means that I am not hopeless. I once had no hope, but God has filled me with hope. Healing isn’t pain free it is hope filled. 

It’s okay for me to hurt but as I start to hurt I give it to God. And he fills me with joy. I need his presence every day, and every year. 

I get to keep choosing joy, when I come out of hiding into his presence broken, I come out of my secret place full of hope and power. 

You give me life Lord. 

Today that’s what I choose. 

“Oh death! Where is your sting?

Oh hell! Where is your victory?

Oh Church! Come stand in the light!

The glory of God has defeated the night!

Oh death! Where is your sting?

Oh hell! Where is your victory?

Oh Church! Come stand in the light!

Our God is not dead, he’s alive! he’s alive!”

I love you Nathan! Big Bro! You are greatly loved, save me a 4 wheeler in heaven! Who knows what kind of machines they have up there, I can only imagine!!! We are 9 years closer to till we meet again. ❤

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