I have so many dreams burning in my heart. Sometimes it doesn’t make sense how many things I am passionate about, but I know God didn’t make me this way just to make a mockery out of me. He created me this way for a purpose. I was born in this generation for a reason. I was born in this country for a reason. He knows every single detail of my life. He knows me so well, and therefore has all the answers.
I don’t know how it’s all going to happen or work out. And maybe some of those dreams aren’t meant to happen, I honestly don’t know but what I do know is if I have Jesus that everything will be beautiful.
I need to spend more time with him. Intentionally. I mean in my car and at my job and heck even when I’m working out.
Lately, my mind has been consumed by social media. He’s been immersing me in this season of balance. I know that I’m growing because these are things I have never even thought about before, that’s growth in itself.
I could just cut social media completely out of my life but then I would have never learned to lean into his strength to live balanced. I am purposely keeping it a part of my life to overcome it, not to ignore it.
So here I am, 24 years old, semi-addicted to social media and crying out to Jesus that I want him more than my brain telling me I want to be on social media. I know it sounds crazy but this is my life, really happening in the moment. Social media has had a hold on me only because I allowed it to. And now I am taking that ground back and giving it to God.
Being the youngest in my family, a need grew in my heart to be wanted by my older siblings. I wanted to:
feel like enough for them,
to be known by them.
So a part of me grew into trying to be perfect at hiding how I truly feel and to put on a mask that others would like. I wanted to be wanted so badly that I would deny how I felt. And I developed in my mind perfectionism, I would obsess over being exactly what someone was looking for in a friend. Down to what I wear. I would mirror how they dress to feel more secure in them relating to me.
What does any of this have to do with social media? Well part of my soul still has that want to be known. Social media perverts that because you can’t really get to know anyone on social media. You get glimpses of there perfectly crafted words, but you don’t get to see their smile when they are typing or their tears while they are broken. You see a screen and think you know them but then you’ve never taken the time to really know them.
I want to be known but in a way that is healthy and not through social media alone. I want to be known in Christ, securely found in him alone.
Gone are the days of “fitting” in.
Of measuring up.
Goodbye social media dependence, balance is coming and Jesus is establishing his truths in me.
Goodbye lies of relationship.
Goodbye lies of lack.
I am enough.
I am worthwhile.
I am wanted.
I am known.
I am finding my strength in who he has made me to be and what a season it is!!! He is showing me areas I never knew exsisted.
Come on transformation, I am ready to leave this cocoon and arise with open wings.